How far does the authority of a husband extend?

God set up human authorities

God set up human authorities. Therefore, they are good and legitimate. It is God who set up the authority of civil government (Romans 13:1-4), which is a good and legitimate authority in and of itself (although it is often tyrannical and can even become illegitimate, which I’ve addressed elsewhere). God set up the authority of elders for his one true church (Heb 13:17; 1 Pet 5:5), and the authority of husbands over their wives (Eph 5:22; Col 3:18; 1 Pet 3:1). God set up the authority of parents over their children (Eph 6:1; Col 3:20). The 5th commandment generally extends to require honor of all human authorities in their realm, like grandparents, bosses, coaches, teacher at a Christian school, etc. Human authorities are real and legitimate under Christ. God set them up for our good and his glory.

The sphere of self-government and liberty of conscience

The way theologians have systematized the relationship of human authorities from Scripture has come to be known as the doctrine of sphere sovereignty. God set up human authorities to provide governance in his creation. Each sphere has a distinct realm, or proper scope of governance it is accountable for, and is ultimately under the authority of Christ and his Word.

With that said, there is a sphere that is often neglected by many who like to talk about human authorities: the sphere of the self. Understanding self-government and the liberty of conscience of individuals is absolutely essential in understanding the Bible’s teaching on human authorities under Christ. We absolutely must begin with a proper understanding of the fact that Christians are to live as people who are free (liberty of conscience) in Christ: free to obey God’s commands in Scripture, and free to make choices from faith in Christ (Rom 14:23) with the motivation to glorify God (1 Cor 10:31) and to love other people (Rom 14:15) in areas that Scripture does not explicitly address.

When making decisions, our first thought as Christians should not be to look for an order from another human being or human authority. The life of a Christian is not one of constantly looking for permission from human beings for all of the choices we make because we think there are human bosses and human institutional authorities in charge of us for every decision. That is slavery to man; it is the tyranny of man. We are slaves of Christ, and Christ alone. And Christ has set us free from being the slave of man:

• “You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants (lit. ‘slaves’) of men.” 1 Cor 7:23

• “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Gal 5:1

• “Each of us will give an account of himself to God.” Rom 14:12

• “For why should my liberty be determined by someone else’s conscience?” 1 Cor 10:29

This is how God set things up in the garden. He gave Adam and Eve every plant-yielding seed for food (Gen 1:29). They only had one tree they were commanded not to eat from (Gen 2:17). They were largely free to make their own choices. In Scripture, we do not see the Old Covenant saints or New Covenant saints asking God or human authorities for permission for the vast majority of choices they make. They realize there are principles laid out in God’s word that they must follow, and there are legitimate human authorities who have authority in their proper realms, but they understood liberty of conscience: “Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants (lit. “slaves”) of God” (1 Pet 2:16).

The Westminster Confession of Faith rightly teaches the doctrine of liberty of conscience in chapter 20, with the famous phrase in 20.2: “God alone is Lord of the conscience.” All of this means that in matters that are not explicitly addressed in God’s Word, each individual is accountable to God for the choices he makes. This is true for so many things, like dietary guidelines, clothing choices, music style preferences, exercise strategies, home décor style, and more.

Liberty of conscience and legitimate human authority

But as the Westminster Confession of Faith 20.4 explains, liberty of conscience does not destroy legitimate authority where the Lord has given a human authority a sphere of governance. Legitimate human authority and liberty of conscience are to “mutually uphold and preserve one another.” For example, a Christian doesn’t get to demand that corporate worship meet at 9 AM instead of 10 AM because his liberty of conscience demands it. What time a corporate worship service will begin is within the legitimate sphere of the church elders to make that decision. But neither can church elders command that all of the Christians attending the worship service wear denim fabric only to the corporate worship service. That would infringe upon their liberty of conscience.

The narrow and broad context of calls to submit

When God calls Christians to submit to human authorities, he does not qualify these statements in their narrow context. He just calls the Christians to submit:

• Civil government: “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities.” Romans 13:1

• Church government: “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account” Heb 13:17

• Husbands and wives: “Wives, be subject to your own husbands” 1 Pet 3:1

• Parents and children: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” Eph 6:2

However, in broader context it is clear and obvious that the scope of human authorities is limited. First, they cannot command sin. When the disciples were commanded to stop preaching the gospel, they responded with, “We must obey God rather than men.” (Acts 5:29). Human authorities cannot require something God forbids, or forbid something God requires.

But what is often neglected is this second point: human authorities cannot command beyond their sphere. They can’t order someone to do something that goes beyond their scope of authority that God has entrusted them to govern. This is what Jesus and the Apostle Paul called “lording it over”: “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you” (Mark 10:42-43). Jesus is clearly not forbidding all exercise of authority (see the rest of Scripture already quoted above). He is forbidding the exercise of authority beyond their scope of legitimacy. As I have described elsewhere:

But this raises a key question: what is the scope of the authority of the family, the church, and the state? Do governors in these spheres possess total authority over those under their authority, unless they explicitly command sin? No. Consider an example. Ephesians 5:24 says that wives should “submit in everything to their husbands.” But Romans 13:1 says that Christians must be subject to the civil government, and Hebrews 13:17 says that Christians should be subject to their church elders. So, what if each of these legitimate authorities tell a married Christian woman to use a unique curriculum to educate her children? Which curriculum should she utilize? Or what if a husband tells his wife that she should lead the women’s ministry at church? Should she begin preparing a lesson for the next women’s meeting and assume that role even though the church elders have said differently? Or what if the civil government seeks to limit churches to singing one song each worship service, when the church elders want to sing three songs? Or what if church elders seek to make all of the children at the church they pastor go to a particular pediatrician, against the desire of the parents? Human authorities can (and often do) contradict one another. We must interpret Scripture with Scripture. Nowhere does Scripture give ultimate or exhaustive authority to a governor of a certain sphere. The only one who has exhaustive authority is Christ the Lord. In addition to not commanding a person under his/her/its authority to sin, a human authority must also refrain from stepping outside of its sphere as defined by Scripture, and encroaching on a person’s self-government and liberty of conscience under Christ, and/or the sphere that has proper authority under Christ.

Husbands are in authority over their households and wives in matters pertaining to their household and marriage (Gen 3:9; 7:1; 24:2; 31:14; 47:12; Exod 1:1; Eph 5:22-33; 1 Pet 3:1-7; Col 3:18-19; 1 Cor 11:3; 1 Sam 3:13; Josh 24:15; 2 Tim. 1:16). Parents are responsible for their children’s physical care and comprehensive discipleship (Eph 6:1-4; Col 3:20-21; Deut 6:4-9; 1 Tim 5:8; 1 Thess 2:7; John 4:47). Pastors are called to care for and be an example to Christians, and make decisions in matters related to the local church organization, like corporate worship liturgy and content, and use of church finances (Acts 6:4; 20:28; 1 Pet 5:2; 1 Tim 3:1; 5:17).[1] Civil government officials are in authority over their citizens in matters pertaining to the administration of justice for criminals (Rom 13:1-7; 1 Pet 2:14; 1 Tim 2:1-2; Deut 4:5-8; Isa 2:2-4; 42:4; Acts 25:11; Exod 21:24; Gen 9:6). Christ is ruling over all of these spheres, and he defines the responsibilities and limits of each sphere in his Word. If an authority steps outside of its sphere into an area it does not belong, it has become tyrannical and abusive. In these cases, depending on the situation, the authority either does not need to be obeyed, or it must not be obeyed.[1]

What about Ephesians 5:24?

This text says, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Does this make the authority of husbands over wives unique and comprehensive? Must wives must submit to their husbands in everything with no qualifications whatsoever?

Remember, if you are thinking that Scripture must give a comprehensive list of qualifications for every single statement it makes, otherwise anything goes, you don’t understand what God’s Word is. We must understand verses in their immediate context, covenantal context, and entire Biblical context. For example, Romans 5:18 says, “Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men.” Does this mean that Christ’s act of righteousness means that all men are justified before God, and therefore teaches universal salvation of all men? This is nonsense. We must let Scripture interpret Scripture.

Wives should submit to their husbands in everything related to their shared responsibility and dominion of the household. Marriage typifies the relationship between Christ and the church, certainly (Eph 5:32)! Biblically, a type entails similarity but not exact duplication. David, as a type of Christ, is like Christ and points to Christ in many ways, but is also much different from Christ. Christ’s authority is comprehensive over every single thing and every single person (Eph 1:21-22; Col 1:20; Matt 28:18). A husband’s authority is over his wife as his wife specifically; meaning, as it relates to their shared relationship as a household/family unit. The husband’s authority over his wife is not authority over her as an individual Christian woman.

This is what marriage is: one man and one woman leave their father and mother and a new household is created with the husband as the head (Gen 2:24). This household is a new family institution, and the husband is the leader. However, the fact that a new household (a new family unit) is created does not mean the individual responsibility or individual identities of the man and the woman before God have now been abolished. They will still stand before God as individuals. It is possible for the husband to be a Christian and the wife to not be a Christian, or vice versa (1 Cor 7:12-13). They are united in the one flesh union of marriage without erasing their individual identities or responsibility before God. Because they are still individuals, marriage does not destroy the liberty of conscience of a woman as an individual under the authority of Christ (remember what I mentioned above regarding liberty of conscience): “So then each of us will give an account of himself to God” (Rom 14:12) for the free choices we make. A wife does not have to ask for permission from her husband to do something like go outside for a walk on a Tuesday morning any more than she has to ask for permission from a pastor or a civil government official to do so. It is just as absurd to think she needs to obey an “order” from her husband to refrain from wearing a blue shirt as it is to think that she would need to obey that same command from a pastor or a civil government ruler.

The last thing I am doing is promoting feminism, or encouraging wives to work against their husband’s headship/leadership. The wife needs to submit to her husband regarding the leadership of the home: what is shared between their singular family unit. For example, the family has to live somewhere. They can’t live in both Michigan and Oregon. A husband is called to lead like Christ, in self-sacrificial service for the glory of Christ, joy of his family in Christ, and advancement of the Kingdom of God (Eph 5:25-32-6:4; 1 Peter 3:7; Col 3:19, 21). If he is godly and wise, he will patiently and joyfully listen carefully to everything his wife has to say as his helper and wise counselor (Gen 2:18; Prov 19:14), but he has the final responsibility and call. This is also true of the financial decisions since the pool of finances is the same between a husband and wife. Or it is true regarding educational choices for children, and if the children are going to be homeschooled or if they will go to a Christian school.

Feminism is also a big problem and we must be unashamed about the teaching of the Bible, that the husband is the leader and the head of the wife and home. But a husband who thinks he can command his wife’s personal choices before the Lord is truly a tyrant and needs to be quickly corrected with the truth of Scripture. If he thinks he can give her orders regarding what books she can or can’t read, what clothes she needs to wear, what diet she needs to be on, how often she can talk to her biological sister, whether or not she can own a smartphone, what her exercise routine needs to be, and so on, he is gravely mistaken. Can he wisely and kindly make suggestions in these areas? Of course! Can he try to convince her that she should make certain choices by appealing to Biblical principles, scientific evidence, appeals to beauty and joy, etc.? Certainly! A loving husband in a healthy marriage will have great relationship with his wife, where she respects him (Eph 5:33) and wants to discuss these topics and is very open to reason (and the husband should also be very much open to learning from his wife and being sharpened by her, too!). But that is completely different than teaching that the husband has the authority to give orders and commands in these areas that she must obey.

Parents and children vs. husbands and wives

But how does this differ than the authority of parents over their children? Doesn’t Colossians 3:20 say that children are to obey their parents “in everything”? Isn’t this the same language as the requirement of wives to obey their husbands “in everything”? Once again, we have to understand what it meant by “in everything”. Every Christian commentator agrees that the “everything” is qualified in some sense, since no one would hold to a view that a parent can righteously command his children to commit physical assault, for example, or sin in any other way.

The scope of authority of parents over their children is much larger Biblically than it is for husbands over their wives. Where am I getting this? More specific direction is given in Scripture about the extent of authority parents have, along with other differences in the type of authority: For example, parents have the authority of discipline. The rod of correction is given to parents for use on their children (Prov 22:15), but nothing is ever mentioned in Scripture about a husband’s authority to discipline his wife. Because he doesn’t have that authority! That isn’t the type of authority he possesses in a marriage relationship.

Next, children are not mature adults. They are in a unique development phase as childrenthat is recognized by Scripture (1 Cor 13:11; Eph 4:14; Heb 5:12-14; Prov 22:15; Deut 6:6-8; Isa 7:15-16; Deut 1:39). They are to be “brought up” in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4). This discipline and instruction is about complete enculturation. Nothing in Scripture suggests that wives are deficient in their Christian maturity or character because they are wives. On the contrary, wives are called the “helper” of the husband (Gen 2:18), implying that wives are competent to help the husband. They are called “co-heirs” with the husband of the grace of life (1 Pet 3:7). Godly wives are called “more precious than jewels” and exalted for their strong character, intellect, and skill (Prov 31:10-31).

Commands given to parents in regards to children in the Bible are simply not there for husbands in relationship to their wives, because the authority of a husband over his wife is of a very different nature than the authority of parents over their children. It is amazing to me that this even needs to be written! It is sad that it isn't obvious. The husband’s authority over his wife is to “wash her with the water of the word” (Eph 5:26), which includes exhortation of the Lord’s Word (not merely his own), and nourishing and cherishing (Eph 5:29), treating his wife as he treats himself (Eph 5:28), living with her in an understanding way (1 Pet 3:7), refraining from being harsh with her (Col 3:19). As Voddie Baucham has beautifully the husband is to be the prophet, priest, protector, and provider in the home.[2] And yes, the authority certainly and unashamedly includes decision-making in matters that are related to the shared domain of the household.

Conclusion

God established the authority of husbands as the head of their wives and head of the household. This authority is good and glorifying to God in and of itself. Feminism is a big problem in society, and even exists in some marriages of many Christians (even in conservative Reformed Christians). Feminists must be taught and shown the beauty of what Scripture teaches regarding the husband’s authority over the wife in the shared domain of the household. However, some conservative Christians have overreacted and claimed that husbands have comprehensiveauthority over their wives, as long as they do not explicitly command sin. This false and dangerous view fails to understand the biblical doctrines of sphere sovereignty, self-government, and liberty of conscience. The authority of a husband over his wife is one of servitude, leadership by example, exhortation in the Word of God, and nourishing and cherishing as the prophet, priest, protector, and provider. This is not to be done in a manner of “lording it over” (Mark 10:42), micromanaging and tyrannically controlling a wife in areas that are in her own domain as an individual person before the Lord who will give an account for her own free choices before him as a mature adult.

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[1] John Kuyper Liberty, Gospel Theology: God’s Good News for Everything (Bloomington, IN: WestBow Press, 2021), 41-42.

[2] What He Must Be:...if He Wants to Marry my Daughter (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2009), 139-157.